Fatigue Management

Do you ever feel exhausted before even starting your day?

I have struggled with this type of fatigue for a long time. I remember being in my late teens and thinking, “Man, I am going to hate going into my thirties if this is how I feel now!” I never realized that the fatigue I was experiencing was my bodies internal alarm system.

For a bit of background, I practiced body building my senior year of high school. I would spend 2-3 hours in the gym 5 days a week at minimum. I ate a very calorie dense diet and prioritized my physical health, or so I thought, above all else. I had started to cram my life with all different stuff at the same time. I participated in piano, theater, poetry competitions, creative writing clubs, preached at church… the list goes on and on.

By the time I reached college, I continued to cram and stuff my life. Because, if I ever stopped, I would have to confront my feelings. I remember, after finding out at 19 that I was going to be a mother, I hit full on crisis. I had joined a sorority, in which I had taken on two chair positions, held two board of directors positions for the sorority and a non-profit organization, joined the Honors Program, and I was double majoring with a minor… I was a sinking ship. I would lie in bed with not even the energy to get up and get dressed. Those feelings followed me even until now a whole eight years later.

Looking back, I can see that my body was telling me that it needed rest. It still needs rest. Between all these activities and events, I was avoiding my own internal processing of my childhood experiences. A chunk of knowledge that I did not gain until I began studying for my Master of Arts in Human Services. I had become hypervigilant. My nervous system always ran on high and, if I am not careful, it still does to this day.

Growing up, I was raised by my grandparents. Those grandparents, though well-meaning, were not at the point in their life where they planned on raising another child. My grandfather had turned to alcohol to sooth internal wounds of his own. My grandmother resorted to her own conditioned behavior of avoidance and dismissiveness. That environment led me to learn to care for my own emotional needs because I could not rely on my caregivers to give that themselves.

On top of unmet emotional needs, there was a fear that I have come to call my shadow. The hypervigilance brought on by several long nights of listening closely through cracked doors to the arguments that would ensue. If it was not toward my grandmother, it would be toward my aunt or great grandmother. I even remember an incident in which my grandfather had grabbed a gun to harm my then uncle. The abuse of alcohol led to the instability and not knowing if I could depend on the person whom I had looked up to and needed most. There were several days that he would sit at the table in a drunken stupor while I found ways to care for myself while my grandmother was at work.

Our bodies and our nervous system are wired in childhood to depend on our caregivers for our emotional and physical needs. When those needs are not met, our brain actually changes. This neuroplasticity can follow us into adulthood making us hyperaroused and in consequence EXHAUSTED.

The good news is that this exhaustion and hyperarousal does not have to be our end of story. The first step is recognizing it and giving it a name.

• What are our triggers?
• What are our bodies sensations when we start to feel flooded?
• What emotion do we feel when we become flooded? Anger? Fear? Shame?
• What do we do when we spill over?
• What are the consequences after we spill over?

This is only the first step into building our own self-consciousness. The more aware we are the better we can make a plan to replace our old behaviors and responses with new ones.

I have added a few resources below to reference including a book and a video:

As always, please contact me for further support at larajackson47@gmail.com.

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